today.
the kiaper decided to free herself after so long... after so very long since she first penned the letter.
we sat and cried at the secret stairway, trying to cope with the fact that we will no longer be able to meet each other for food, smoke, and train rides out of hell everyday in our lives anymore.
i sat and cried telling her that she has no fucking idea of how much i lost when she leaves.
i feel happy for her that she is finally dumping this ingrateful office for a possibly more appreciative company. intelligent people deduct their lifespan for no good fucking reason when they dwell in an unintelligent environment.
kiaper works for a retard of an ugly piece of degradable carbon mass... she totally do not deserve it.
how can anyone endure that amount of moronic laughter and incompetency day after day after day for half a year?
on this day when i think i will want to tender my very own resignation form in the following month, she finally decided to let this nonsense go as well.
*
today.
the gambler came to us with a mouth full of tongue.
when asked what has he been licking, he opened his mouth to show a sparkly stud seated in the middle of his sausage of a tongue. (cant even talk that is)
for a boy who did ONE earlobe piercing and told the whole world that piercing is evil and very painful.... he sure has a mental problem on that day.
getting a tongue piercing was MY idea. its all part of the punk girl image and stuff... i just happened to schedule it till after my epic trip so that i may enjoy myself there wholeheartedly minus a swollen tongue.
the gambler was quick to persuade me to refrian from piercing my tongue on the reason that he was going through the misery and he knew that i wouldnt want it either.
when questioned why the fucken misery he put himself through, mental boy said he was trying to find out how painful the experience might be for me.
*wtf*
and people, will learn to share the painful moments... when they love
"i think u're the reason why its easier to tahan"
by the end of everything, you are the reason why i say this job is rewarding.
"... just to remind u that going through physical [pain] doesn means that the pain in the heart will go away."
same to you... idiot*
if i learn to let go and move on.
***
he has forgotten how long it's been since he last visited this alley...
on a foggy morning heavy with morning mist, he was carried through a door into a chamber full of secrets, incense, and endless chantings resonating from invisible corners. he was but a mere baby, hairless from birth, and still tender from crying his lungs out at the hospital. in the arms of his hopeful parents, then loving each other still, he snuggled up to his mother's breast sucking away on his thumb without a care in the world and without a name....
"hey!"
a girl reached over and snapped her fingers in front of the face of Azreal like she would to a person she had hypnotized to command him out of daze.
the boy snapped out of it and followed his sister into the age old HDB flat in search of their mom.
the place was rundown and very musty, an overpowering smell of incense hit him hard as he stepped through the door. the lack of proper lighting didn't seem to help the atmosphere of solemness in this place.
Azreal looked at the glowing light bulb and wondered how this place can succeed in sustaining such gloominess when moments before he step through the door, the sun was beaming down hard on them.
"ok, we done. ah girl, you want to ask uncle about your work?"
sister pulled her attention away from the ancient television set which held her in awe since the moment she stepped in and proceed to where her mom was standing, at a table where an old man was seated.
the feeble old man looked up and startled the pretty young girl with a mishappened eye. the left side, albeit a little tried looking, was normal compared to his right which was sunken and very very beady in appearance. a closer look showed that to be the result of a prosthetic eye a tad small to fit his eye socket.
sister took 2 steps backwards.
"would you like to have some water?"
a middle-aged man stepped out of what seemed to be a kitchen in time to witness the creeped-out look on sister's face. placing two glasses of water on the table he beckoned for the young girl to come closer. the sweet young thing abide, but not without caution...
"who is that? is he with you?"
the old man pointed to Azreal with one shaky hand, while tugging on the sleeve of mom with his other.
"that's my brother."
"ask him to come over. i want to take a better look at him. i want to talk to him"
still pointing at Azreal, old man commanded mom to get her son over to the table... completely ignoring sister's helpful replies.
old man squinted as Azreal came closer, as if he couldn't get a better look of the young chap. the squints soon evolved into worrying frowns. he made Azreal raise his left hand and bow his head. when Azreal looked up after bowing, he saw a familiar look on old man's face.
it was the look of disappointment.
and i thought i left this face behind a long time ago....
".... young man. you came here asking for a fortune and a lifetime of happiness so many years ago. do you not want it anymore?"
Azreal kept quiet and so did sister and mom. they all know that Azreal have a special name. one that would give him all the luck and fortune he ever needed in his life... to no one, but him. a perfect match of a special name for a unique someone that will guarantee happiness.
"you threw away something."
it was amazing how a prosthetic eye can connvey feelings of upset as well.
"you threw away something you should have kept by your side. fortune will not stay inevitably with you if this thing doesn't come back to you."
mom got a little worried. she started questioning the boy what was it that's being thrown away... was it one of those things that she deemed "dust-collecters" that she have chucked down the rubbish chute one week ago???
she knew her son had come this far with luck and a considerable amount of hardwork... it is hard to imagine him falling with the future he had found for himself, but luck had always come first before he made the best out of everything...
the family left the dingy HDB dwelling in silence, but not for long as sister started dropping possibilities of the cast-away secret item of charm and fortune.
Azreal followed behind silently with an unhappy heart.
he questioned himself if he was cowardly, or blind... had he been escaping from feelings that are too vunerable to express to anyone, not even himself?
i missed you too. i do not know why i sent you away and kept you a friend. i was afraid and confused. i think i still am.
but the truth is whenever the word fortune comes to me, i think of you. you were a treasure and a solace... where i have an unlimited supply of faith in everything i do.
the only thing i can ever remember, as the thing i threw away, is you.
Azreal picked up his handphone and scrolled through the phonebook. he suddenly became aware of how many scrolls he has to make to find her name. so many other names had found themselves between him and Mauvais over these years...
that was the day he messaged her for the first time in 5 years.
"sounds scary ah zek... what was it you saw anyways?"
the younger man leaned back on the plastic chair with his cup of hot milo while old man carefully place the ang bao money he just collected in a tin box, carelessly casting the torn red packets in the direction of a rubbish bin which had fallen over.
"dunnoe... looks like a black paper box"
"what's in there? must be something fucking expensive to have cost him all the fortune in his life eh?"
sitting up and turning around to look at his friend, the younger man appeared gossipy and keen.
"i didn't see what is inside, i only have one eye what do you expect?"
staggering to his feet, the old man turned away from the table to find his way to the bedroom were he would stash away his easy money.
"we both know these visions are not signs and nothing is as true as we made them out to be... why ask anyways?"
"because at least you get to see things to lie to people with?"
the younger man watched his old friend disappear into the bedroom in amuse.
he likes the old man more when he isn't lying.
"if one day you feel that you want me back... find a way to play this song for me to hear"
very poor marketing, iris.
